I’ve always had an interest in sewing. In fact, I’ve sewn small projects on and off for a couple years. Never anything super big or amazing, just small things like pillow cases and PJ pants. There was just never really anything I really WANTED to sew. Everything I found a pattern for was either way out dated, or way too complicated, so my projects were few and far between.

In March 2017 I lost my 27 year old brother to cancer, and in turn, I lost my desire to do anything. It’s interesting because at the beginning, when you first lose someone, you do things because you have to. You get through the first few days quickly. There are a thousand things to do. People are everywhere, trying to help, and needing your attention. You have no time to process your loss until you’re left alone at night where it finally hits you like a ton of bricks.

After those first few hectic days are gone. People stop calling, people stop asking, and people move on. But you can’t. Someone who was in your life for so long and in such a special way, is just gone.

Poof.

They were there, now they’re not.

That’s a big deal! For me, after the chaos when I was left to myself, I couldn’t deal with the grief. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to do things. I couldn’t laugh, I couldn’t enjoy anything. I just hurt. I still did the things that HAD to be done, but I didn’t care to do a single thing more than that.

A few months after my brother passed, I stumbled upon something that pretty much changed everything for me. I found the Patterns For Pirates website. I saw things that I didn’t know existed for the sewing world. I saw fashionable, up to date sewing patterns that were actually easy to understand and follow. Then, Made For Mermaids found its way onto my screen. Then I found New Horizon Designs, and on and on. I was blown away with what I found in the Indie sewing pattern world. Something inside of me reignited. I finally felt a flicker of excitement!

But oh, The guilt!

I couldn’t enjoy something and be happy. I had just lost my brother a few months back. How could I find pleasure in something after he lost his life?! (This might sound silly to people who haven’t experienced a loss like this, but it’s a very real feeling.) I knew that my brother would be disappointed if I stopped living my life because he lost his. He was very much a “grab life by the horns” kind of guy. He loved life and LIVED it. And gosh darn those designs kept pestering me. I really just wanted to make some of them. I finally had a desire for something, a motivation for something, an excitement for something! It obviously wasn’t a fix-all, but I started doing something that I actually wanted to do.

It was a slow starting process. I just made a couple of the free designs at first. I have to say, I was surprised by how much I loved it. The emotional drain from the nightmares that plagued me since my brothers death started to be less powerful than the force pushing me to sew the patterns I had gotten. I found myself sewing through the heartbreak and the pain. I was doing something. Maybe It wasn’t the laundry, or the pile of dishes that had stacked up. But I was DOING something. Something I could enjoy. I call that a win! Since that time, it has snowballed. I sew almost every day, and I love it!

It’s been almost a year since I lost my brother, and it still hurts like hell, but I have found something that makes me want to “grab life by the horns” and live it. Maybe for you, it’s something different. Maybe something else would tug at you to do it. But if you have any sort of grief or depression, if ANYTHING calls you, answer. It just might be what you need in order to get to a better state of being. It may not be all the way better, there are some things that cannot be fully fixed, but some better is better than nothing!

Thanks for being here and thanks for reading.